Tag Archives: solo traveler

Diary of John Parker 23rd July 2014. Glasgow.

A famous day has passed…. It seems we are to be lead by a wee green man….Yes indeed, today was the opening of the 2014 Glasgow Commonwealth games at Celtic Park.

Not everyone was happy with the wee green shite!!!!

But at least we did invite our prettiest Scottish Virgins to open the show….

Karen….And Susan….Tis no wonder they are virgins… I wouldn’t touch them with the prick of a donkey….

The aliens wouldn’t touch them either…

Even if they were the last two females left in the cosmos.

Alas, it got worse for them….

So-ooo disappointed they were for being left with John Barrowman…. Who’s arse has been taken and given by more pricks in it than the surface of Mars has had dents in it resulting from asteroids.

I was impressed by the Taliban Toyota People Carrier with the set of antlers ad-hocked to it.

Good Scottish tackyness and saved a few bob too!!!!

Rod the Bod was a fucking Star as usual….

I must ask him where he gets those tinfoil suits!

And to stop impersonating Mick Jagger’s dance routines?

Lastly, I felt sorry for the Queen, as The Duke of Edinburgh’s behaviour was uncalled for….

His chants of “Tongs ya Bass” and “Fuck the Pope” were not in tow with proceedings…

But it was his first time at Parkhead, in fairness after all.

I thought the Queen’s humming to herself of…

Tum-Tum… Tum-Tum… Ta.. Tum-Tum-Tum at the end was magnificent!

I heard The Duke say to Our Beth…”Not quite old Ibrox Darling Lisbet?”

“No!” she replied, “It’s much more fun!!!!”

Can you tell the difference between the local woman and the farm animals?

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I’ve fucking been there, we had to evacuate the inbred fuckers before the bore something quite incongruously inhuman. Believe me, the farm animals were first choice before the local women…. And they name a fiver after them…. Go-on yersel Salmond.

Health Warning!!!!

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It is not recommended by the Brewer, that 24 of these bottles of mind-fucking liquor be drank in one day by a person. If done so, it can be seriously damaging to one’s reputation. Especially while on the internet and in clear view of the entire fucking universe.

A Havana Glasgow tale.

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On my recent visit to my twin city I did come across a pair of lesbians of black skin who were both young and very beautiful. I asked them how much for their services and they replied “A guinea!” I negotiated with skill, 1 pound 25 penny and off we went to debauchery. I was surprised, as for two lesbians, they had so very much interest in my male endowment with which they served me to my great pleasure and enjoyment.

On arrival back in Ol’ Blighty I did indeed feel the fleas of a thousand camels crawling around my crotch and made a visit to the Sandyford. Where they administer that great invention of the Scot, Fleming, a shot of penicillin to the buttock. Only a Scot can come up with a cure for afflictions such as these. I wonder what drove him to such extreme intelligence?

Hitherto at the clinic the nurse suggested it may have been my wife who afflicted me with the dreaded lurgy. To which I replied “Nay Mam! One of the lesbians did not pass the ‘sniff test’ but I did indulged anyway!”

Upon thinking on way home of her words spoken, I broke a branch from a Birch tree and did set upon my wife with it in search of a confession, much to the affront of the neighbours. The confession did not come, in fact she drew my baseball bat upon me, and left me bruised and battered, whereupon I surrendered.

I shall be seeking my money back from the two preposterous lesbians upon my return to Havana, as I do believe I have been duped by two female Cut-throates.

This evening, as my piss is now as clear as Highland spring after my treatment, I did pleasure myself with my wife to my satisfaction….. And so to sleep.